Coupeville Sports

I have been told, frequently and loudly, that my taste in movies is a bit off-kilter.

After 15 years in the trenches at Videoville and David’s DVD Den, a time when I hailed Hands on a Hard Body, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical and Bottle Rocket as my favorite films of their respective years, it’s probably not worth the breath to argue that it is I, and not the crowd, that is correct.

Which brings us to 2012, a time long after the death of the video stores, but a time when I still managed to watch an even 400 films, from Forbidden Zone to Katy Perry: Part of Me. More than a few of which would probably be considered “a bit off-kilter.”

Well, actually, I saw more than that, but I’m just counting the ones that caressed or scarred my eyeballs for the first time. I’m not counting that 277th viewing of The Hudsucker Proxy or the six times I’ve returned to see pieces of Boogie Nights again, thanks to its near-constant rotation on pay channels coming in free on a DirectTV deal.

But we’re not here to talk about why the ’90s kicked unholy ass at the movies. We’re here to talk about what I saw in 2012, which ranged from The Hobbit in 48-frames-per-second 3D on a huge screen to 1976’s Massacre at Central High in VHS-copied-to-YouTube Crap-O-Vision on a much-smaller computer screen.

P.S. — Massacre at Central High was better.

I saw great films. I saw God-awful films. Freed from the constraints of video store life, I watched whatever I dang well felt like — which meant a lot of horrid to semi-good Italian crime thrillers from the ’70s.

Bleary-eyed but not totally fulfilled (I don’t get to see Django Unchained, Les Miserables or Life of Pi until tomorrow, kicking off 2013 in style), I can look back and say one thing for sure. My favorite movie I saw in 2012 was … 1972’s Trick Baby!

A great blast of street-wise grifters, backstabbing and dirty deeds done dirt cheap, it stars the late, great Kiel Martin of Hill Street Blues fame and pimp-slaps you for 89 sizzlin’ minutes, right down to its bleak finale. My first try at getting it through Netflix was ruined by a broken disc with a visible footprint. My second try? Well worth the wait.

What else made my heart flutter this past year? The rest of my Top 40, in alphabetic order. Disagree? Won’t be the first time.

The Adventures of Tintin (2011) — I read every one of the comics 200 times as a kid. This was everything I hoped for, and more.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) — Criminally overlooked homage to ’80s slashers, mixed with a Columbine-era look at evil that festers and wounds from within.

Argo (2012) — Slam-bang true-life thriller, with cynically funny Hollywood lifers providing a counter-point to the very real life-and-death ordeal being played out in Iran.

The Artist (2011) — Sublime.

Bernie (2011) — Jack Black pulls a 180-degree turn and scores in a true-crime dark comedy about a model citizen coming unwound one strand at a time.

Brave (2012) — Best animated ginger hair … ever.

Bullhead (2011) — Brutal foreign crime drama is like a (really painful) punch to the nads.

Burke and Hare (2010) — Cheeky tale of blokes getting by, one stolen dead body at a time.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011) — The antidote to 30 years of cinematic horror film crap.

Cold Weather (2010) — “Portlandia” as detective story.

The Descendants (2011) — George Clooney gives good cry.

Detention (2011) — A killer on the loose, time traveling bears, dastardly Canadians, brain swapping — The Breakfast Club had an illegitimate child with Halloween (the ’70s one), and that child is one sick, twisted bastard.

Don’t Go in the Woods (2010) — ’80s slasher films re-imagined as an indie musical. 99% of the world hated it. I loved every bloody second.

Eating Raoul (1982) — Eat the swingers!

The Guard (2011) — Dead-pan Irish comedy with Brendan Gleeson, star of the great dead-pan 1997 Irish comedy I Went Down. That time he was a hit man, this time he’s a cop who is twice as rotten to the core.

Goon (2011) — Best profane, bloody, hilarious hockey movie yet. Yeah, you heard me, Slap Shot, the crown has been taken.

The Grey (2011) — Liam Neeson punches wolves, refuses to let the light die.

Hannie Caulder (1971) — Raquel Welch in chaps.

The Ides of March (2011) — George Clooney gives good ooze.

I Saw the Devil (2010) — Ultra-violent foreign flick about the dangers of being a serial killer, if said killer pisses off the wrong unhinged cop.

Jack Reacher (2012) — Tom Cruise has issues, but being a reliable action star film after film ain’t one of them.

Kill List (2011) — Creepy as all get-out British crime flick turned … something else.

Looper (2012) — Bruce Willis vs. Joseph Gordon Leavitt. We all win.

Melancholia (2011) — Kirsten Dunst has a gloriously miserable trip into oblivion.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) — Wes Anderson keeps on keepin’ on.

Mother (2009) — Never mess with a pissed-off Korean mama.

Myth of the American Sleepover (2010) — The kids are alright.

The Perfect Host (2010) — Who knew Niles Crane could be so freaky?

Red Cliff (2008) — John Woo makes his Kurosawa film and burns down half of China in the process. Brutal and beautiful.

The Robber (2010) — Stark portrait of a man who comes alive only when running, either in foot races or in a bid to escape bank guards.

The Rum Diary (2011) — Johnny Depp gets soused.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) — You’re only insane if the time machine DOESN’T work. If it does, then, well, you’re a temperamental genius.

Skateland (2010) — Beautiful, low-key, like Dazed and Confused reborn in a skate rink.

Super (2010) — Truly shocking. Truly hilarious. A great superhero flick about insane people wearing homemade costumes and paying the price for their chutzpah.

Take Shelter (2011) — Michael Shannon goes bug-nuts insane as only Micheal Shannon can.

Thin Ice (2011) — Not the Coen brothers, but dang close.

21 Jump Street (2012) — Best surprise of the year: Channing Tatum is hilarious.

Under the Rainbow (1981) — Chevy Chase when Chevy Chase was funny.

The Yellow Sea (2010) — Never mess with a pissed-off Korean daddy.

For the complete list of what I saw in 2012 — http://www.imdb.com/list/R4Am1NvUn8U/