Coupeville Sports

So it comes to this.

Two teams enter the arena Wednesday and only one will exit with games left to play.

But when the Coupeville High School girls’ basketball squad travels to Langley to face off with Island rival South Whidbey (7 PM tip-off), there will be more than just a loser-out district playoff game on the line.

Sure, on the surface, the stakes are easy.

Lose and you’re done. Win and you advance to play the loser of King’s/Blaine in another loser-out game Friday. Win that one and you play Saturday for third place and a spot at tri-districts.

But this is Coupeville/South Whidbey, so it’s more.

It will be a battle for the very soul of this Island.

Now, Madi Boyd and Ellie Greene and their Falcon teammates seem like very nice young women, bright, intelligent, athletically talented. If they win, I will root for them in their coming games, as, above all, you always want Whidbey teams to kick the snot out of non-Whidbey teams.

But, Wednesday night, Boyd and Co. will have to be viewed as the bad guys, the Evil Empire, the oppressors of everything that is good and wonderful.

You made your rumpled bed, South Whidbey. Now prepare to cry into your pillows.

You (or your parents) chose to live in Hippieville, when you knew Poopville was the better choice.

We are the county seat of government, we are the second oldest town in the state, we have Mussel Fest, we have better school colors, we possess The Bucket (ooh! shot to the ribs!!), we have a bowling alley, we are where Isaac Ebey got his head lopped off and … well, I could go on for days now, couldn’t I?

And you, South Whidbey, what exactly are you?

You’re a couple of towns loosely held together, boasting stores that open and close whenever the owners decide to crawl out of their Yurt.

Your biggest historical marker is a phone booth and you’re best remembered for that time when the FBI came by and shot up a bunch of Neo-Nazi’s.

We have a ferocious beast as our school mascot. You have a beady-eyed bird that probably eats its own poop from time to time.

We still have all our players (ooh! shot to the ribs, 35 times!!).

And yes, you may be more mature than we are, but no one asked, OK?