Coupeville Sports

Is that Coupeville water, or fancy water? (David Stern photo)

Welcome to Watergate, the sequel.

OK, it’s not that serious, and I’m 99% having a bit of fun here, but facts are facts.

Coupeville School District officials spent more on bottled water during the 2022-2023 school year than they did on funding an athletic trainer whose expertise, hard work, and dedication helped Wolf athletes deal with injuries.

Now, Superintendent Steve King is cutting both from the budget, after the school board rapped knuckles for the general fund dipping below the mark directors set.

But that water was drunk.

Or, sat around burbling in fancy corporate plastic containers in school offices, until the next appearance by the cheerful delivery man.

One of the two.

It’s right there, in the updated list of budget cuts from June 21:

Slashing Jessie Caselden, a CHS grad, a daughter of the prairie, a role model to a new generation of young women (and men), and someone universally hailed by Wolf coaches, athletes, parents, and co-workers, saves the district $8,200.

Telling employees to drink from the taps, bring a water bottle from home, or, I don’t know, walk across the street to Prairie Center on their lunch break saves $12,000.

Sure, as someone who has lived in Coupeville for three decades, I am well aware our prairie water can sometimes be on the … chunky side.

Yar, there be minerals here!

It’s why Miriam’s Espresso went through so many water filters back in the day.

It’s why you’re not going to be on vacation in Bali and purchase a bottle of water bearing a photo of Whidbey Island, with the motto “Drink the prairie!”

But Coupeville water is also not Flint, Michigan water.

Generations of farmers, and farm animals, survived just fine with a little bite to their liquid refreshment.

Or they went to the $1.25 store and bought those little favor packets and gave a splash of lemonade, or iced tea, or Grandma Gertie’s Wild Passion Cranberry Twist to their water and went about their day.

Until they got a job with the local school district, and suddenly could slurp that sweet, sweet, tasteless, processed bottled water — production of which, probably, allegedly, will cause the emu to go extinct.

Now, $12,000 isn’t going to solve the district’s money issues on its own.

But you know what it could have done?

For about $7,200, the district could have paid a year of my bills (seriously, I live lean), gotten a PR person, and not had to read slightly annoying stories such as this one.

Would I have sold whatever remains of my journalistic integrity for that dollar amount?

You’re asking a guy who once launched a spring cookie drive, where Wolf Moms from various sports openly bribed me via helping me achieve my diabetic goals.

So … never say never.

Or, back in the real world, that $12,000 could have made Jessie’s salary closer to the value she brings to Wolf Nation.

Not equal to, but closer.

Or funded part of a paraeducator salary.

Or a billion other things which didn’t involve large water bottles being lugged on campus while the emu die.

Allegedly.

Which is all neither here nor there, as both the athletic trainer and the bottled water are being cut, with only one being truly worthy of being saved.

In the end, let’s just tip one out to the emu, who are, allegedly, in trouble.

But let’s do it with a water bottle you brought from home, with water not funded by taxpayers.