Coupeville Sports

Coke ain’t Pepsi, and in a country where my winter depression beard is allowed to get this out of hand, you don’t have to accept the latter as the former. (Photo by JohnsPhotos.net)

There you are in a restaurant, and it’s time to order your beverage.

“I’ll take a Coke, thanks.”

And the waitress looks uncomfortably around, takes a deep sigh that seems to travel from the top of her head to the bottom of her well-worn shoes, and asks, “Would a Pepsi be OK?”

Now your first response is “No, if I wanted to drink toilet water, I’d go drink toilet water.

“You can put a few bursts of thick, sludgy syrup in there, it’s still going flat in .00002 seconds, and it’s still tasting like something a sasquatch left on the side of Mt. Rainier.”

But you’re polite and all, so fighting down your gag reflex, you weakly smile and say, “Sure…” while knowing you will hate every Godforsaken swallow.

Now, this is a sports blog, so today our waitress is the gum-snapping, tired-beyond-belief folks at the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association, and the “Would Pepsi be OK?” and “Sure…” conversation is being used in the context of streaming.

As in me asking, “May I please watch the livestream of my state basketball game being done on Facebook by a mom who can properly frame the picture, keeps things in focus, gets close enough I can see actual faces, AND provides witty commentary with regular score updates?”

To which our waitress responds, “Would NFHS be OK?”

You mean the crap-ass company whose cameras can be defeated by a single hair, taken down by a flake of dust, brought to a standstill by a single drop of rain? Or is that just my tears…

The charlatans whose remote, often terribly positioned cameras allegedly follow action, but that means many, MANY times the ball goes one way, and the AI system sends the camera the other way, so we can watch a five-year-old cruise by clutching his giant chewy pretzel?

But that’s only if the camera isn’t already posting multiple images, causing the ballhandler to vanish, reappear, vanish again, then flat out disappear into the Bermuda Triangle.

Where hopefully they’ll find Amelia Earhart, all while the on-screen scoreboard stays stuck at 0-0.

That NFHS?

The one that struggles to stay on the air all too frequently, offering the endless loop of death for our entertainment?

The one that shoots its commercials in hi-def, NFL-ready images, then reverts back to 1970’s TV once the feed actually kicks in?

While charging us for the pleasure??????

Oh, that NFHS. The one Bigfoot deposited on the side of the trail.

Why does this come up today, you ask?

Because, as the Coupeville boys prepare to play their state opener against Tonasket, we’re being told the WIAA is trying to get the small-time innovators out of the streaming business and force us to send money to their incompetent chosen web site.

All so they can get a cut of that sweet, sweet moola, in much the same way they do when they tell you cash (the legal tender of the USA) is forbidden and GoFan (with its fees and frequent web site screw ups) is golden.

Now, I question how the cucumber sandwich-eatin’ dilettantes at the WIAA can enforce a ban on people using Facebook Live to stream games.

In this day and age, everyone, whether they want one or not, has a phone.

So, if everyone in the stands raises their devices at the same time, how do they know if you’re taking a photo, talking to Grandma, playing Fruit Ninja, trying to find what year Hoosiers hit movie screens, or live streaming the game?

Answer, 1986, and they don’t.

Remember, the WIAA is the same organization which got caught TWICE this season ranking non-existent teams #1 in their RPI rankings.

Once is an accident. Twice, someone needs to go back to school.

Those RPI rankings? The WIAA only pushes them because they have sponsors who pay to attach their names to the whole sham.

And then newspaper writers and bloggers (ahem…) use the weekly release of said numbers to get quick page hits on the internet by trumpeting the results.

Who’s rising? Who’s falling? Which team on this list doesn’t actually exist???

So, when it comes to streaming, the WIAA hopes well-meaning school officials will put subtle pressure on parents.

And that those parents, being polite like the people gagging down Pepsi against their will, will go along with the scam and turn off their feed.

That way WIAA head honchos can get back to plundering the cream cheese and veggie tasty tidbits paid for by your money.

But what if you don’t turn off the feed?

Imagine a world where you all rise up, sending countless live streams out onto the internet, all infinitely better than the mediocre pap “produced” by NFHS.

Say no to “Pepsi!”

If they won’t give you Coke, order Root-Beer or lemonade!

Free the stream! Bring the whole empire crashing down around their heads, even if it means they can’t have cucumber on their sandwiches.

Anarchy on the hardwood? God bless, America, where you’re still free to be as annoying as you like.