Coupeville Sports

“For Ferris!!” (Shelli Trumbull photo)

You can’t trust computers.

They freeze up. They glitch. Sometimes they just get uppity on you and, sometimes … sometimes they want to kill you and everyone you’ve ever known.

Skynet in “The Terminator” films. Hal in “2001.” And what about WOPR in “WarGames?” It tried to kill freakin’ Ferris Bueller!!!

And now we’re supposed to just smile and get all huggy when the steel-plated psychos start predicting football scores, as if that makes everything OK. Ferris Bueller … you tried to drop thermonuclear war on Ferris Bueller’s head!! That is so not classy!!

I bring this up because I was perusing the Seattle Times website and stumbled across a link to a site called ScoreCzar, (https://sites.google.com/a/scoreczar.com/scoreczar/) where one man (Scott Odiorne) and his evil, evil computer (I shall call her … Debbie) have refined the art of ranking Washington state high school football teams and then predicting how they will do against other teams.

His “scary accurate computer rankings” (supplied by that tramp, Debbie) predict that Eastside Catholic will stomp Bishop Blanchet 27-8 this week, which, admittedly, doesn’t mean that much to me.

No, where Mr. Odiorne and that hussy, Debbie, have aroused the ire of Wolf Nation is where they pick King’s to beat Coupeville 40-0.

Sure, King’s is the number one ranked team in 1A, they’re unbeaten, their quarterback (Billy Green) is Mr. Universe and their biggest, baddest offensive lineman (Mason Friedline) has a scholarship to Yale (ooh, la-de-da … I guess Harvard wouldn’t take you?).

Which will mean diddly and squat when Wolf running back Jake Tumblin hits Mach 5 and takes the ball to the house.

Games are decided by the fight in the players on the field and not by the overheated wires of that slattern … Debbie.

Coupeville needs to take a stand against computer tyranny this Friday. Win one for the humans and wipe that smug grin off Debbie’s main-frame.

Do it for Ferris!!