Coupeville Sports

Our patron saints, Lexie (left) and Brittany Black.

Best photo of the fall, take 1 — Wolf receiver Riley Boyd and daughter Melody.

       Best photo of the fall, take 2 — Wolf cheerleaders Julia Felici (left) and Mekare Bowen and Felici’s nephew, Drake.

Best photo of the fall, take 3 — Oh, what a night!

I am an Oscar fiend.

It probably made more sense back during my 15-year run behind the counter at Videoville and David’s DVD Den, but even now, stranded in a desolate world ruled by Netflix, nothing gets me quite as worked up as whether “Argo” is going to bring Ben Affleck a little gold man (it’s my early favorite!), or whether “Lincoln,” “Silver Linings Playbook” or “Les Miserables” will backhand pretty boy on his way to the podium.

So, in that vein, I offer my own awards show, the BLACKies, which will honor the most memorable moments in local sports. As we wind down the fall season, I’m jumping the gun a bit on a slow Saturday and handing them out early. I reserve the right to yank the awards, if any late-breaking events should so dictate.

And why the BLACKies? The awards are named in honor of Lexie (you were born with an E on your name, and it’s staying, lil’ missy!) and Brittany Black, former Wolf hoops stars and all-universe people.

I always wanted to name a blog “Lexie Black’s Block Party,” (cause she still holds the record for most blocks in a 1A state basketball game and it’s a play on words and … yeah), but figured about 13% of the audience would get it. So, you get this instead.

This is where I would introduce our host for the evening, one Milla Jovovich, but her people have yet to get back to me (fingers crossed for the winter season!!), so let’s just jump in.

BEST OVERHEARD DIALOGUE: Kole Kellison, about to climb up on top of the press box and disconnect electrical cords in the pouring rain, looking down at Kim Andrews and saying, dead-pan, “Does this school have good insurance?”

BEST SURREAL MOMENT: During a girls’ soccer game, as rain slashed down for 40 minutes running, a large pile of goldfish crackers that had been spilled in the stands begin to soak up water and blossomed to five times their size, before crumbling and gently washing away.

WORST COACH: During a blowout win, a rival volleyball coach spent the third set repeatedly checking his cell phone while ignoring the action on the floor. Apparently he had a super-intense game of “Angry Birds” going.

BEST DANCER: A tie between freshman tennis player Zane Bundy, who ruled the Homecoming float parade with his Bieber-like moves, and Wolf tennis coach Ken Stange, who claimed the Duke of Homecoming title cause he has moves like Swayze.

BEST WHAT-THE-HECK-JUST-HAPPENED MOMENT — Wolf netters Ben Etzell and Kyle Bodamer throwing themselves face-first across CEMENT courts in pursuit of balls, sacrificing skin and sanity in pursuit of tennis immortality. Chicks dig scars.

BEST OH-MY-SWEET-LORD MOMENT — With the ball hanging about two inches above his teammate’s head, a foreign exchange Friday Harbor tennis player decided to still go for an overhead, and promptly drilled the ball off of his partner’s face. The resulting whap could be heard on the mainland for the next two hours, and, while I can’t speak Korean, I am pretty sure the following exchange between the two including quite a bit of profanity.

BEST UNDER THE RADAR MOMENT — Having returned after a battle with a vicious staph infection, Wolf senior lineman Anthony Maggio crushed his blockers, forced a fumble and recovered the ball. For the two or three people in the crowd who realized what it meant, it was a small, perfect moment.

BEST TACKLE — Mitchell Losey, playing in a JV game, saving a touchdown by catching his man and then whipping him over his knee like a cowboy taking down a calf in a roping contest.

WORST BREAK — Days after I did an article on BMX riders Orion Kalt and Keegan Kortuem, Kalt went and fractured his tibia/fibula when he landed wrong on a trick and snapped his leg. That hurts just writing it. Get better soon, lil’ dude.

BEST SINGLE GAME PERFORMANCE — Ethan Loy, a seventh-grader, playing like a beast in the lone home middle school football game of the season. He was everywhere, and everywhere he was, someone got laid out cold.

BIGGEST WIN: Coupeville takes The Bucket back from South Whidbey after six years. They’re still crying in Langley. What’s new?

MOST EMOTIONAL WIN: The Wolf spikers taking Sultan down in five epic sets on Breast Cancer Awareness night. Playing for Katie and Kacie Kiel’s mom, who had been diagnosed with the disease just days before, and sparked by Steve Kiel, who shouted down an entire bleacher full of Sultan soccer players by himself, the Wolves were magnificent.

BEST NIGHT EVER (UNTIL THE NEXT ONE): “I love to see their smiles!” said one parent, as the Wolf booters broke through, won their first game of the season against Sultan, danced off the field, then came to cheer on the Wolf volleyballers during the previously mentioned victory. A fine day, indeed.