Coupeville Sports

       Tumwater beating ATM? We haven’t been this excited around Coupeville Sports HQ since that whole free doughnut/bagel thing.

My dearest Debbie,

I must apologize to you for all the nasty things I said about you this season.

Those times when I called you a tramp? A hussy? A slattern? A wench? A tart? An evil, evil computer bent on world domination by destroying the moral fiber of today’s youth by constantly picking against the Coupeville High School football team?

My way of trying to sweet-talk you, baby. Cause now I see clearly and what I see is one sexy hunk of wires and mother boards. Allow me to steam up your web cam if you come equipped with one, darling!

And it is at this point that 98.6% of my reading audience is like, “When did you fall and hit your head, son, cause you’re ranting like a loon.”

A loon in love with a football game-picking computer, that is.

Earlier this season, I discovered the ScoreCzar (https://sites.google.com/a/scoreczar.com/scoreczar/home) — Scott Odiorne, who uses a computer system way too complicated for my mind to fully comprehend, to predict football game scores across three states. Working in tandem with that sassy Mac with the junk in the trunk that is Debbie, he is scary good at what he does.

Since that involved betting against the Wolves almost every week I surveyed their work, I was quick to call out Debbie. But now that we’re deep into the playoffs, my tune has changed. For one simple reason.

Debbie predicts that Archbishop Thomas Murphy (the Darth Vader of the Cascade Conference) will end its season in the state quarterfinals this weekend, falling 28-16 to my one true alma mater, Tumwater, which is coached by that mythical man mountain (and my 9th grade Health teacher) Sid Otton.

That’s called a two-for-one deal, with awesome sauce dripping off of it.

Debbie, you scamp. If you’re right, I’m coming to kiss you. No need to clean off your printer cable, baby. We’ll blow the dust out of every one of your ports!

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It’s a slow Sunday and you’re just looking for attention, aren’t you?

I believe in Billy.

And yes, I may be crucified for admitting that, but come on, some one has to win the 1A state football title.

If you’re a Coupeville fan, player or coach, wouldn’t you rather it be someone from the Cascade Conference, a team the Wolves faced head-on and played not that badly against? Wouldn’t you rather it be King’s?

And then I went deaf from people screaming NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, whether or not you can stomach rooting for King’s (and I’m not saying I’m actively rooting for them, I just appreciate the level they play the game at), Knights quarterback Billy Green was, by far, the best football player we saw this season.

Playing on a rainy night in Coupeville, he seemed to be moving in his own time and space against the Wolves. Time and again, a tackler would almost have him in their grasp, and then, off of one foot, Green would fling a wet ball 45 yards on a bead, dropping it into a two-inch by two-inch hole between his receiver and the Coupeville defensive back.

It was something to behold.

And yes, it was brutal and miserable all at the same time. Not for a moment did I want to see him shred Coupeville, but he did it to eight other teams this season as well. At the very least, his brutal assault on Archbishop Thomas Murphy (the real jerk of the Cascade Conference) so demoralized that program, they “assisted” their coach out the door after just four games.

Got to give Green kudos for that.

And now that he rallied King’s to a 28-13 victory over host Hoquiam (there’s a town you don’t want to stay in for very long) Saturday night, Green and his teammates will play Montesano in the state quarterfinals.

I’m not rooting. I’m just reporting. But, if you’re a true football fan, a small part of you has to admire what this guy is doing.

No?

Well, that’s why this site has a comments section. Cue the hate mail from my own fans … I’ll try to dodge like Green sidestepping would-be tacklers.

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Have a great team award banquet next year, Wolves, like the one this season. Cause the Cascade Conference ain’t givin’ you a dang thing. (Robert Pelant photo)

Brace yourself. Jake Tumblin and Nick Streubel will NOT be getting any consideration in All-Cascade Conference voting next season.

Tumblin can run for 2,000 yards (at which point he’ll be getting scholarship offers to Oregon and Alabama and not really care). Streubel can go through the entire season and play flawlessly — make every block, pancake every guy in front of him, force and recover a dozen fumbles for touchdowns, take a direct snap or two and rumble for big yardage.

Won’t matter.

Regardless of how they play, the results will be the same as they were this season for Tumblin, Streubel and other top Coupeville High School gridiron giants like Caleb Valko and Brett Arnold.

No votes because they’re not eligible.

The Wolves represent the smallest school in the eight-team 1A/2A league, and before this past season, the decision was made to remove the three largest schools (Cedarcrest, Lakewood and state power Archbishop Thomas Murphy) from their schedule for a two-year period.

It was a decision based in part on the large number of injuries CHS players had suffered the year before. With Coupeville having to put freshmen and sophomores on the field against junior and senior dominated squads from large schools — players with much more weight room time — there were serious concerns.

So, after discussion with the conference and District 1, it was decided Coupeville would become a semi-independent school for football, while remaining a full conference member in all other sports.

Being a full independent would have made scheduling extremely dicey, so an agreement was made for the Wolves to continue to play the four Cascade Conference schools they are closest in size to (King’s, South Whidbey, Sultan and Granite Falls).

What wasn’t made perfectly clear, at least to parents, coaches and easy-to-rile sports bloggers, is that NONE of those four games would be considered league games. So, even though Coupeville’s win over South Whidbey gave the Wolves a playoff berth while eliminating the Falcons, it actually didn’t count against South Whidbey’s league record.

The Wolves, whether they knew it or not, played ten con-conference games this season (10 1/2 counting their half of a playoff game).

Therefore, anything a Wolf player accomplished in one of those games was no different than if it had happened in a game against Port Townsend or Nooksack Valley. At least when it came to hand out conference awards.

That’s the reality, and I appreciate the time of Sultan High School Athletic Director Scott Sifferman in breaking down the fine print for me.

It still sucks for the Wolves. And, it’s something that could be changed when the agreement is reviewed after next season by CHS, the WIAA and District 1.

Until then, Streubel and Tumblin and Co. will have to play for something beside All-Conference honors. Like taking the ball and shoving it right down the throats of every one of their opponents next season.

Win games, beat the teams in “your” conference and it really won’t matter if they don’t want to give you a piece of paper.

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