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Archive for the ‘Ranting and Raving’ Category

The team they beat in 2010? Oh yeah, that was ATM too!

Karma is a bitch.

At least it is for Archbishop Thomas Murphy, which ended a turbulent football season Friday night just the way all decent, good-hearted football fans hoped for — getting its rear kicked.

A 21-0 loss in the state quarterfinals was sweet. That the Wildcats lost to my alma mater, Tumwater High School, and its man mountain of a coach (and my 9th grade health teacher) Sid Otton, is just that much more awesome sauce.

The T-Birds sail on to the state semifinals, seeking a 6th state title for the NGUNNGU-spouting Otton. That’s Never Give Up, Never Never Give Up for the rest of you folks.

And ATM, the beast of the Cascade Conference, the school that unnecessarily bounced former Oak Harbor head coach Dave Ward after he took ATM to back-to-back title game appearances?

The school that then suffered one embarrassing moment after another as Ward’s replacement “quit” after four games and two horrifying losses, only to have his replacement put on leave after his sordid past surfaced?

Well, one player was quoted in the Everett Herald saying “There are going to be few dry eyes on the bus.”

To which just about everyone else replies, “Cry those sweet, sweet tears, ATM!!”

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Be vewy, vewy quiet … the Canucks are counting their beans.

That’s funny.

Apparently, when you’re a big media conglomerate, you pay twice for the same story.

The Whidbey News-Times and Whidbey Examiner, the “local” arms of the giant Evil Empire that has overtaken Whidbey Island — one Black Press, aka The Pride of Moosejaw — finally decided to report on breaking news this week. So, it was time to announce that David King had taken the job as girls’ basketball coach at Coupeville High School.

Which is nice, until you realize that the Examiner had already run a feature story on this way back on August 31, 2012 (http://www.whidbeyexaminer.com/sports/168181836.html), written by yours truly. It was my final story after a 15-year off-and-on run with the one true independent paper on the Island … before it got nice and non-independent.

It would have taken the bean counters in Saskatchewan about 1.3 seconds to look at their paper’s website to confirm this. But that would have meant they would have had to consider the actual, you know, history, of their publications.

Oh, and that part about paying twice for the same story?

I never got paid the first time around, so I guess we’re fine.

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       Tumwater beating ATM? We haven’t been this excited around Coupeville Sports HQ since that whole free doughnut/bagel thing.

My dearest Debbie,

I must apologize to you for all the nasty things I said about you this season.

Those times when I called you a tramp? A hussy? A slattern? A wench? A tart? An evil, evil computer bent on world domination by destroying the moral fiber of today’s youth by constantly picking against the Coupeville High School football team?

My way of trying to sweet-talk you, baby. Cause now I see clearly and what I see is one sexy hunk of wires and mother boards. Allow me to steam up your web cam if you come equipped with one, darling!

And it is at this point that 98.6% of my reading audience is like, “When did you fall and hit your head, son, cause you’re ranting like a loon.”

A loon in love with a football game-picking computer, that is.

Earlier this season, I discovered the ScoreCzar (https://sites.google.com/a/scoreczar.com/scoreczar/home) — Scott Odiorne, who uses a computer system way too complicated for my mind to fully comprehend, to predict football game scores across three states. Working in tandem with that sassy Mac with the junk in the trunk that is Debbie, he is scary good at what he does.

Since that involved betting against the Wolves almost every week I surveyed their work, I was quick to call out Debbie. But now that we’re deep into the playoffs, my tune has changed. For one simple reason.

Debbie predicts that Archbishop Thomas Murphy (the Darth Vader of the Cascade Conference) will end its season in the state quarterfinals this weekend, falling 28-16 to my one true alma mater, Tumwater, which is coached by that mythical man mountain (and my 9th grade Health teacher) Sid Otton.

That’s called a two-for-one deal, with awesome sauce dripping off of it.

Debbie, you scamp. If you’re right, I’m coming to kiss you. No need to clean off your printer cable, baby. We’ll blow the dust out of every one of your ports!

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Left to right, Aiden, Maggie, Jon and Jodi Crimmins.

“A bear going after pic-a-nic baskets in my park? No sir!!”

Forever a legend.

I have a splitting headache today.

The why and how is not important. I mean, it’s possible I ate something I knew was 99.3% likely to give me a migraine, but that would be stupid and when was the last time I was called stupid and … fine, I guess it’s possible … probable … oh, shut up.

But in the midst of the little men with their jackhammers assaulting my frontal lobe, a ray of sunshine shot through the pouring rain outside and brightened the world. It was the realization that all was well in the world of Wolf sports once again.

After daring to tempt the fates themselves by living, working and sending their children to schools on South Whidbey, revered former Coupeville High School athletes Jon and Jodi (Christensen) Crimmins have finally accepted reality and returned to the fertile soils of their youth.

The legend decreed that the spawn of a Crimmins/Christensen union, born of a man who once was a laid-back tennis ace and a woman who was an elbow-flingin’ basketball wild child, must only wear the black and red. The blue of a Langley uniform may be fine for some, but not for the chosen ones.

And now, with park ranger dad and school teacher mom having accepted fate and moved down the Island, their kids (Aiden and Maggie) can once again walk the same hallways where their parents-to-be once lounged, casting googly-eyes at each other in between classes.

Aiden is playing basketball for the Coupeville Middle School 8th grade team, and Maggie, after a brief dalliance with the dark side in which she wore the volleyball uniform of a South Ender (ag-o-neeeee for Wolf diehards!!) can now lay claim to her mom’s legend. And what a legend it is.

There was never a nicer person off the court, or more of a hellion on the court than young Jodi Christensen. One walking, talking, gum-popping black ‘n blue bruise, she threw herself with wild abandon after loose balls, crashing into bleachers, wiping out any teammate who dared to get between her and a rebound (poor Marlys West is probably still flinching) and thoroughly freaking out her opponents, who wondered where that nice girl with the pleasant smile had gone.

Other Wolves have scored more than Jodi. Other Wolves have had more natural talent. But no one has ever played the game as hard as the angel with hellfire coming out of her elbows.

If Maggie is 3% of the hard-charging force of nature her mom was, Coupeville coaches and fans are set. The good times (and possibly heads) will roll.

Party on, Wolf Nation. Party on.

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It’s a slow Sunday and you’re just looking for attention, aren’t you?

I believe in Billy.

And yes, I may be crucified for admitting that, but come on, some one has to win the 1A state football title.

If you’re a Coupeville fan, player or coach, wouldn’t you rather it be someone from the Cascade Conference, a team the Wolves faced head-on and played not that badly against? Wouldn’t you rather it be King’s?

And then I went deaf from people screaming NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, whether or not you can stomach rooting for King’s (and I’m not saying I’m actively rooting for them, I just appreciate the level they play the game at), Knights quarterback Billy Green was, by far, the best football player we saw this season.

Playing on a rainy night in Coupeville, he seemed to be moving in his own time and space against the Wolves. Time and again, a tackler would almost have him in their grasp, and then, off of one foot, Green would fling a wet ball 45 yards on a bead, dropping it into a two-inch by two-inch hole between his receiver and the Coupeville defensive back.

It was something to behold.

And yes, it was brutal and miserable all at the same time. Not for a moment did I want to see him shred Coupeville, but he did it to eight other teams this season as well. At the very least, his brutal assault on Archbishop Thomas Murphy (the real jerk of the Cascade Conference) so demoralized that program, they “assisted” their coach out the door after just four games.

Got to give Green kudos for that.

And now that he rallied King’s to a 28-13 victory over host Hoquiam (there’s a town you don’t want to stay in for very long) Saturday night, Green and his teammates will play Montesano in the state quarterfinals.

I’m not rooting. I’m just reporting. But, if you’re a true football fan, a small part of you has to admire what this guy is doing.

No?

Well, that’s why this site has a comments section. Cue the hate mail from my own fans … I’ll try to dodge like Green sidestepping would-be tacklers.

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