It’s not getting washed!! It took me a long time to grow moss on the car. I’m not starting over now.
I am at an interesting point in my life.
I have spent the past year battling a thyroid that keeps on going on the fritz or “something” (some of the doctors around here aren’t exactly Sherlock Holmes), leaving me dealing with crushing fatigue for no good reason. It has made working difficult and been a royal pain in the rear.
It’s not as bad as it was at the start, when I had arms that felt like they were 1,000 pounds and full of cold fire — a time when I could barely move from my chair. Now we bump the meds, I’m great for two weeks, then it comes back, and we repeat, again and again.
Two things have helped keep me sane during this time. Swimming twice a day in Penn Cove (98 days in 2012, still chasing the 167 I made in ’11) and, for the last month or so, the decision to stop covering sports for the Whidbey Examiner as a freelancer and instead launch my own blog/web site/convenient way to annoy The Man.
Neither option pays diddly squat, so I might as well take off the shackles (now I can use the word “stud!”) and, if nothing else, entertain myself. Having the ability to post at 2 AM, being able to tweak ATM football for giggles and posting the names of 40 middle school athletes just cause it will make 40 moms happy has been fun.
So far I’ve published 85 articles (66 of which were EXCLUSIVES — in your face, Canadian-funded local newspapers, with your retirement packages and probably free doughnuts!), and just crested 9,400 page views (pictures of Hunter Hammer buffing a mini-van with his butt certainly helped).
And, I’ve done this in my spare time. Imagine what I could accomplish if I was able to actually devote serious time to churning out purple prose from my bunker deep beneath Penn Cove!
For starters, I would be able to cover games in person. More in-depth pieces. More “Where Are They Now?” articles about former Wolf greats. So, basically a ton more of the stuff NOT being delivered by the competition.
This is NOT a slam on the people who work for the two newspapers in town, who include my former journalism teacher and a publisher who has shown great restraint in not punching me in the face over the past 15 years, no matter how much she has probably considered it at times.
This IS a slam on their Corporate Canadian Overlords, those 275-paper ownin’, yacht-sailin’ NEVER SET A FOOT IN COUPEVILLE IN THEIR LIVES empty suits from Manitoba (Moose Jaw? Saskatchewan?) who profit off of a town they couldn’t pick out on a map.
I’m calling you out! One man with sometimes-crushing fatigue, using a computer powered by three hamsters on a treadmill, is kicking your sweet ass up one side of the street and down the other when it comes to covering sports in Coupeville. In his spare time.
Let me go full time and the carnage will be epic.
But, to go full time, I would need your help. I would need the people of Coupeville (and supporters of independent, non-Evil Empire funded journalism everywhere) to hold up your wallets and scream, “Up yours, hosers!!”
And then become one of my Best Ever Friends.
That’s right. It worked at David’s DVD Den, where 264 people donated DVD’s to our cause in two years, and it could work again.
Consider it a home-grown version of Kickstarter. If I can raise $5,000, it would allow me a four-to-six month window to devote myself fully to promoting and chronicling the exploits and stories of Coupevillians, present and past.
I am not asking for a new car (White Thundarrrrr can not be replaced), a bigger TV or any of a thousand trivial things (not even for you to renew my Netflix subscription). I don’t have a cell phone and don’t want one and have no plans to head to Aruba any time soon.
All I’m seeking is a way to pay my most basic bills (rent, propane, electricity, etc.) while being able to step into the streets and open a David-sized can o’ whoop-ass on Goliath. For the kids, who deserve to see their names in bold and deserve to be celebrated for throwing themselves head-first across a cement court in pursuit of a tennis ball, Ben Etzell-style — things you will not see in the cookie-cutter corporate drone papers that camp in our fair town.
And, just like in the DVD Den days, I will run a list of David’s Best Ever Friends. It’ll be on the top right hand side of the main page here, forever etched in the ether of the internets.
No minimums. No maximums. Every penny appreciated.
Though, if you want to fund the entire project in one fell swoop, I will wear the costume of your choice and spend a weekend waving at people either in front of your business or at the overpass intersection. I will promote your business or cause by covering my car with whatever bumper stickers, signs or other material you wish for six months. I will promote your business/cause on my site with a shamelessness that will be astonishing.
Basically, other than asking me to kill your mother-in-law for her insurance money or expecting me to wash White Thundarrrrr, not much is off the table, is what I’m saying.
So, think about it. You can email me at davidsvien@hotmail.com. Write me at 145 N. Sherman, Coupeville, WA 98239. Call me at (360) 678-5650.
Every penny for Coupeville! Every penny so we do not go quietly into that good night, accepting the Canadian Corporate Overlords as our masters!
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