Maury Povich would like a word.
Maury Povich would be having a field day.
As we work our way through “Budgetageddon ’23” here in Coupeville, the master of the television lie detector reveal would be giving his eyebrows a workout.
Much has been said, and some of it is even true.
With budget cuts dominating the news cycle, and an August 1 deadline for school districts to finalize their 2023-2024 budgets, the next two Thursday nights are going to be … something.
The school board has a budget workshop on the agenda July 20, and a regular board meeting and budget hearing July 27.
Things go down in the Anderson Board Room at the district office, which sits right in front of Coupeville High School.
Action tips off at 5:30, and we could end up with high drama, or way-too-long sessions filled with endless droning about decimal places.
The workshop is NOT streamed, and there is no public comment, but is absolutely 1000% open to the public.
And yes, the board plans to go into executive session AFTER its budget discussion, to discuss labor negotiations. No public action will take place after that hush-hush coffee chat.
But that part, and ONLY that part, is exempt from our eyes.
The budget discussion? Come watch that sausage being made in living color, taxpayers.
The July 27 event has all the bells and whistles of a normal monthly meeting — streaming, live mics, public comment, additional stuff likely on the agenda.
As we head towards those meetings, here are a few things — some random, some very germane — I’ve heard or read lately, and how close they come to reality.
1 — “We don’t need 14 football coaches.”
Um, this isn’t Texas. We have four Coupeville High School gridiron gurus, and one of them is an unpaid volunteer.
The remaining three aren’t exactly making Nick Saban money, and CHS also has three paid track and field coaches.
2 — “Why is the school district building new tennis courts while potentially making up to 1.45 million in budget cuts?”
Um, the money for capital projects — such as moving the tennis courts from next to the school to the other side of the gym, while expanding the bus barn into the area the courts currently occupy — is its own thing.
Voters have the ultimate say on funding those projects, and school administrators can’t use that money for anything besides what has been approved by the taxpayers.
Sorry, but you can’t take capital projects money and hire more paraeducators, no matter how big the need.
Because you’d be BREAKING THE LAW.
3 — “The school’s main food guy made $100,000 last year, and his wife made $80,000.”
OK, that’s close to the 2022-2023 salaries for Food Service Director Andreas Wurzrainer ($100,213.83) and Assistant Food Service Director Laura Luginbill ($79,475.63), but the duo is NOT MARRIED.
The real Mrs. Wurzrainer does NOT work for the school district — she sails the high seas in the cruise ship industry and has done so for a number of years.
She sails the seven seas, possibly with the Muppets.
4 — “The school district budgeted more to offer bottled water in its school offices last year than it did for an athletic trainer.”
It would seem so, as, while both are slated to be slashed from the new budget, fancy water is listed at $12,000, while the trainer gig is valued at $8,200.
One of those things should never have been in the budget in the first place, while cutting the other is a slap in the face to every coach and athlete who benefitted from having Jessica Caselden front and center.
Yes, the trainer position has only been in place for a year.
But did you also notice last school year was the first one I can remember in many years in which Coupeville football didn’t lose key players to season-long injuries?
Bigger still, at a school where there have been only a small handful of females in athletic leadership positions, you’re going to cut Jessica??
A Coupeville grad, who played on the same fields as current athletes, who grew up in the aisles of Videoville, who returned to her hometown — when she could make much more money elsewhere — to be an absolute rock star of a role model for young women?
You’re going to slap every girl at CHS in the face, metaphorically, over $8,200?? Not a great look.
Even Bruce Lee had trouble making a slap to the face, real or metaphoric, a good look.
5 — “But wait, you’re the news, you’re supposed to be impartial.”
I’m not Walter Cronkite, I’m an idiot writing a blog, somehow hanging on for 11 years on virtually no money.
I’m very partial towards Jessica, whose father, Willie, did the gardening for Videoville and used to spend a considerable chunk of time telling me stories about his in-laws and their (alleged), possibly not fully legal activities back on the East Coast.
And Tom Black, the Dean of Students, whose job is slated to be cut?
This blog, moments before launching in August of 2012, was either going to be called Coupeville Sports or Lexie Black’s Block Party.
True story.
The Black ‘n Blue Sisters, Brittany and Lexie.
Tom’s older daughter was my wingwoman at Videoville, a six-foot-two doppelganger for Fifth Element star Milla Jovovich, and the only one truly worthy of being the next Queen of England back when William, Prince of Wales, still had a full head of hair.
Lucious locks? They’re here for a good time, not a long time…
But anyway, Lexie also blocked a lot of shots on the basketball court for the Wolves — still holds a state tourney record for 1A female players — and national sports blogs with names like Kissing Suzy Kolber were huge at the moment.
Lexie said yes for a hot second, then later patted me on the head and was like, “No one is going to get it, and you’re going to be explaining it for years, and still no one will get it,” and we went with the boring placeholder.
“Fiiiiiinnnnnnnnneeeee…”
Followed by me pouting for 11 years.
So, pragmatic? Ever so slightly.
Impartial? Not even close.
6 — “All Coupeville administrators will make the same salary in 2023-2024 as they did in 2022-2023 or are taking a voluntary pay cut.”
Yes … voluntary. Your mileage will vary on that statement, I’m sure.
But to the main point — it’s not true.
Two admins are taking the same salary and two are taking pay cuts, but a fifth will make $2,566 more in 23-24 than in 22-23.
Compare the contracts from last year, and the new ones approved by the school board at the end of June, and it’s there in black and white.
I’m not saying which admin gets the bump, as this is not meant to be a gotcha, and I believe the raise is likely a simple mistake.
The reasoning for that is based on that admin being the only one in the group who also shows a boost in their job ranking from one level to another.
I don’t know for sure, as emails to three people inside the district on the subject have gone unanswered for two weeks.
And yes, I realize July is a vacation time for many school officials, and yes, I realize they’re probably tired of talking to me.
But there’s a contract. Its board approved. An admin seems to be getting a (small) raise when the public stance is no one gets a raise.
Probably not an intentional lie, but certainly not a true statement.
7 — “The (Food Service) Director’s salary is comparable to that of the food directors at the Oak Harbor and South Whidbey school districts.”
This one is from Superintendent Steve King, in response to a question from the Whidbey News-Times.
And it’s not even close, sorry.
As mentioned before, Coupeville, according to contracts published on the district’s website, paid Andreas Wurzrainer $100,213.83 and Laura Luginbill $79,475.63 in 2022-2023.
Both are likely to take pay cuts when new contracts are approved, as current budget cuts call for financial trims in that department.
But, for Coupeville’s Food Service Director to have a comparable salary to that of the person heading up South Whidbey’s program, that pay cut would have to be much more sizable than expected.
And it certainly wasn’t true last year.
Our next-door neighbor, which has a larger student body than Coupeville (for sports, they’re 1A, while we’re 2B) contracts with Chartwell’s for food service.
John Maupin, the Area Director for the Pacific Region, responded to my question by stating “Chartwell’s salary range in Washington for a director of South Whidbey’s size ranges from $65,478.40 to $72,100.”
Oak Harbor High School, a 3A institution, contracts with Sodexo, which did not respond to a request for similar info.
To summarize, last year Coupeville paid its Food Services Director $100,213.83, with additional benefits since the director is a school employee.
Chartwells would have gone no higher than $72,100 at South Whidbey, and there is no assistant director listed for that school.
In terms of letter grades, if 100 is an A, 72 is a C-.
In terms of dollars, $28,000 is pretty much the cost of a paraeducator.
Now, I wrapped up my tour of duty in the world of 1989 high school math by fast-talking my way into a “life skills” class, so I wouldn’t have to finish out my last semester of algebra.
Einstein, I’m not.
But even I know $100,213.83 and $72,100 aren’t remotely comparable.
UPDATE:
I was close on #6, but an email Thursday night from the admin involved clarifies things.
The fact their job ranking was boosted for putting in another year of experience is key.
The $2,566 is separate financial compensation for achieving that new level and is not considered a raise as it doesn’t affect the admin’s base salary, which remains unchanged from last year.
Coupeville Sports 