Coupeville Sports

“Yes, David, I would love to read your zine if you fax it to me daily…” Spoiler: The fax was promptly unplugged. (Photo by JohnsPhotos.net)

Guys, guys … guys! I’m sorry, but no betting on high school golf this year.

However, every other sport appears to be, at least, technically, wide open to side wagers.

So … who’s got a few bucks to lay down on how many dingers Sarah Wright hits on the softball field this spring?

After wading through all 58 pages of the North Sound Conference handbook, one thought bubbles to the surface.

Are those country club prodigies really so quick to swap sweet moola after every putt, that the rules-makers felt it necessary to specifically prohibit gambling on golf, and just golf?

Oh yeah, and the Wild West is truly dead.

The new six-team 1A league, which claims Coupeville, Cedar Park Christian, Sultan, King’s, South Whidbey and Granite Falls, seems dead set on being all above board and proper.

Killjoys.

I mean, they’re going to insist fans wear shirts, face paint and masks are banned, and don’t even think about bringing artificial noisemakers or vintage “Free Hayley Newman” signs to games this year.

What’s next? We all have to wear pants, too?

But I digress.

Anyway, the new league’s motto is “Prepare. Compete. Respect.”

Cause “No Fun League” was already taken?

I kid. I kid. It’s not the North Sound Conference, it’s the WIAA and the whole frickin’ state clamping down on shenanigans.

The sooner I accept we’re no longer in the free-wheeling ’90s, back when student sections could get as unruly as they liked, the sooner I can assure my press pass remains in effect.

Not that I made the list of officially-sanctioned news outlets.

The South Whidbey Record, Everett Herald and Seattle Times did, with coaches instructed to relay stats and results to those papers.

And yet I can guarantee you the non-sanctioned, dare we say underground press (we dare), Coupeville Sports and Whidbey News-Times will write far more stories about the new conference this school year.

Why, now that I have the fax numbers for all six conference Athletic Directors (thanks, handbook), I might have to hit up the thrift store, get my own faxy fax and start sending out Coupeville Sports as an old-school zine, just to prove that point.

Anyway, back to the handbook.

For year one of the league, Sultan AD Scott Sifferman is league prez, while our own Willie Smith is the money man, operating as league treasurer.

A couple of other interesting tidbits:

North Sound Conference soccer games can end with a whimper, not a bang, as league contests will NOT go to shoot-outs.

Play regulation, then make it through two five-minute “golden goal” overtime periods and you’re still tied?

It’s soccer, don’t expect a resolution … and that’s 90 minutes none of us will ever get back.

Soccer will use a 0-3 point system for each league game (you get three points for a win in regulation, two for a victory in OT, etc.) and the league champ will be based on highest point total, not necessarily the best won-lost record.

All other sports will crown team champs based on regular-season won-loss record, except for cross country, track and tennis(??), which will hail the winner of the postseason league tourney.

For the running sports, that makes perfect sense, as most regular season meets feature multiple teams and win-loss records are pointless.

For tennis, that’s a bit odd, as most leagues crown regular season and postseason tourney champs separately.

Though, other than one sentence early in the handbook (the one which lumps tennis in with cross country and track) the net game is missing in action, so who knows.

Tennis is the only sanctioned league sport to not have its own section of rules and criteria, at least in this version of the book.

So, basically, that means all bets are off … or on.

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