Mr. Ed is crying inside. “Dang it, if a ref was gonna make the national scene for being obtuse, I thought it would be me!!”
Our secret is out.
Thanks to the next-level muckrakers at Deadspin, the whole world is learning the truth — basketball refs working on Whidbey Island might not be the best the business has to offer.
For every time we here in Coupeville have complained about the gum-chomping, overly-preening “Mr. Ed” and his band of merry miscreants, at least they have never answered a cell phone and talked on it for a minute while a game was being played in front of them.
And yet, that’s just what one ref did recently at a game between Oak Harbor Middle School and North Whidbey Middle School.
Vote “D” for “I saw Hoosiers … once. I would have called the kid for traveling and waved off the game-winning basket just to see folks cry.”
Vote “E” for “The Final Word.” Cause give her credit, she never, ever, ever, EVER backs down.
Who do you fear?
In Coupeville that’s a complicated question, as least when it comes to high school basketball referees.
Cause we fear them all.
Over the past couple of seasons, refs have trod a painful path of tears across the CHS gym court.
We’re not talking a trivial call here or there, but night after night of a sustained, gut-wrenching, game-blowing, gym-fleeing-in-record-time body of work.
And, while it’s been slightly better this season (no one has allowed a visiting player to remain in the game AFTER throwing a punch at a Wolf player’s head a foot away from a ref this year, so that’s a start), there’s still enough to allow us to merrily grumble.
And yes, I’m sure these refs — with maybe one exception — are good, upstanding folks who take way too much crap for what they’re earning.
There’s even a couple of really solid men and women on the job, again putting up with our crap. We see them far too infrequently.
But we have become so scarred here in Cow Town, by on-court actions and back-room whisperings, that I doubt there is a single die-hard fan who doesn’t immediately lock on to the ref crew when it appears in the gym doorway.
Sometimes there are sighs, sometimes agonized screams of “Sweet Lord in Heaven, they’re still lettin’ Mr. Ed out without his seeing-eye dog?!!?!?”
So, let’s play a little game.
From the photos assembled above, cast your votes for which ref you absolutely, positively hate to see darken our gym.
Vote early, vote often. Work out your aggression in a constructive manner.
The poll is open for 48 hours (closes 10 PM Christmas Eve) and there are no limits on how often you vote.
Let the dark side flow from you, my sons and daughters of Wolf Nation and emerge into the rest of basketball season cleansed.
Unless they see this and get really, really pissed and … oh, yeah, the whole seeing-eye dog thing. I think we’re safe.
Missing: one seeing-eye dog. Please return to the referees who worked Saturday afternoon’s Coupeville High School basketball game.
“Mr. Ed.”
“Rogaine.”
He goes by many names, but no matter what moniker you pick, he is the worst. The absolute worst.
Pompous. Preening. Gum-gnashing. Self righteous. Obtuse. Rarely right and yet never self-aware.
The more he knows the call is the wrong one, the louder and more emphatic he gets. Cover up your mistakes by shoutin’ them down is his game plan.
Some will call Wolf Nation whiners. Cry-babies. Bad sports. And a lot worse.
But the fact remains, we have suffered some God-awful reffin’ at Coupeville High School basketball games the last two years. And the man above is Suspect #1.
Is there a vendetta among local refs against the Wolves?
It seems that way, as games are increasingly called one-sided, with visiting teams allowed to be far more physical and yet called for less fouls.
And that’s not even getting into the whole an-Orcas-Island-player-threw-a-punch-and-was-NOT-ejected argument from last season.
We get it. Nick Streubel is not called “The Big Hurt” for nothing. He’s a big guy, a football lineman built like a mountain.
He’s also a pretty low-key guy on and off the hard-court, a young man aware of his size and pointedly careful NOT to unnecessarily hurt others.
The next time he intentionally inflicts pain on a foe on the basketball court will be the first.
And yet, watching “Rogaine” at work, you’d think Streubel and Co. were the second coming of the Detroit Piston “Bad Boys” of the late ’80s and early ’90s.
But it’s more than the constant stream of ticky-tacky fouls, the reversed calls, the willingness to turn a blind eye to traveling, moving screens and elbows to the head (if they’re used by guys NOT wearing red and black).
It is the overwhelming feeling that these guys (and a few gals) in the black and white striped shirts simply do NOT understand their own rule book. If they read it in the first place.
Hey, it’s nice you’re giving up your time to do this. Whatever you’re being paid is probably not enough for being yelled at all game long.
But c’mon, man. You need to be a little more subtle about the whole being in the bag thing, cause it ‘s getting old.
Coupeville Sports 